[Free 3-Part Video Series] Create a Relationship You Love

Posted on August 29, 2013. Filed under: Relationship | Tags: , , |

Create a Relationship You Love Video Series

Create a Relationship You Love Video Series

I have been blogging since 2010 and I am so grateful to all of you who have been with me over these past few years and for those of you who have just recently joined us.

Today I am gifting my loyal blog followers a special 3-Part Video Series: Create a Relationship You Love.

As a token of my gratitude I have compiled a high quality series of relationship advice and tips that you will find useful in improving the quality of both your romantic relationships as well as your platonic ones.

This 3-Part Video Series will include:

  • The 4 Mistakes Many Couples Make and What You Should Do Instead
  • 15 Strategies to Strengthen the Emotional Bond With Your Partner
  • How to Improve Intimacy and Connection in Your Relationship
  • Special BONUS: Get Unstuck!  Improve Communication in 10 Minutes or Less.

I wanted to package something special for you so you can easily implement these relationship strategies into your relationship.

In order to access your 3 part video series all you have to do is click here to access your video series.  You will then need to just enter your email address again, so I know where to send you your videos.

Have a great week!

Best, Andrea

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How to Communicate Effectively? Communication in Relationships

Posted on March 14, 2013. Filed under: Communication, Lifestyle, Relationship | Tags: , , , , |

When I was a teenager, I was so curious to discover the particular qualities necessary to made a relationship work.

Upon my many international travels, I would often meet couples from all over the world who appeared to be deeply in love.  And I would ask them the magic question.  What are the secrets to making your relationship work?

Couples would use words like: respect, comprehension, similar values and beliefs and communication, just to name a few.  In today’s episode, we will be tackling communication and offering you some useful skills to communicate effectively with the one you love most.

Many couples frequently mention getting stuck in a negative cycle: the blame game, demon dialogue or statemate.  Which often leads to anger, exhaustion and pain.

After watching today’s video the secrets will be revealed.  Couples will have the necessary tools and communication skills to resolve issues while remaining connected and maintaining a level of intimacy in the relationship.

If you’re struggling with communicating effectively with your partner, WATCH today’s brand new episode on True Potential TV.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aWClKJKu5k

How to Communicate Effectively

This strategy will help you clearly express yourself  to your partner and increase you chances of being heard, understood and your needs being met by your partner.

Thank you, and always, for reading and watching.

With love,

Andrea

P.S.  If you would like Additional Resources and Relationship Tips to Transform your Life and Create a Relationship you Love, make sure you head on over to True Potential Counseling to grab my 3 Part Video Series: Create a Relationship you Love absolutely free.  The series includes:

  • Avoid the 4 Common Mistakes Many Couples Make & What You Should Do Instead
  • 15 Strategies to Strengthen your Emotional Bond with your Partner
  • How to Deepen the Connection and Intimacy in your Relationship
  • Additional BONUS:  Get Unstuck! Improve Communication in 10 Minutes or Less
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The Shame Game

Posted on December 6, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Lifestyle, Men, Parenting Tips, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , |

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

This inspirational quote by Theodore Roosevelt exemplifies the essence of daring greatly and having the courage to take emotional risks, be innovative and face uncertainty bravely.  In life, many of us find ourselves working very hard to be seen, but at the same time are working very hard to stay small.  Why is that?  Are we fearful of being vulnerable? shamed? rejected? being exposed?

These are probably all true.  But another important factor, is that it is safer, easier and more comfortable to be in the crowd, commenting and critiquing, than it is to be a gladiator on the field of your own life, with its trials, tribulations and victories.

Sometimes I hear people say that vulnerability is a weakness; however, on the contrary.  When people take emotional risks, expose themselves openly and face uncertainty with honesty and valor, it is the most accurate measure of courage and strength that I have ever witnessed.  Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, innovation and change and if we want to have breakthroughs we have to be willing to accept that we will also have some breakdowns too along the way.

Unfortunately we can’t achieve greatness and evolve if we are only willing to get into the arena when we are as perfect and possible and wearing our bullet proof vest that protects us from the unknown.  Plus that is not what spectators want to see anyways.  They want to be with us as we dare greatly, step into the unknown with courage, ready to face vulnerabilities, shame, and fears that all human beings face.

Brene Brown, PhD, LCSW at the University of Houston is a researcher on vulnerability, shame and courage, and reports that shame is an epidemic in our society and affects not only our relationship with ourselves, but also our relationship with our partner and children (i.e. parenting styles).   She mentions, “If you put shame in a petri dish you need three things for it to grow exponentially:  secrecy, silence and judgment; if you douse shame with empathy it can’t survive.”  She states that empathy is the antidote for shame and if we can begin to show compassion for ourselves and then ultimately to others. we as a society will be able to find comfort in one another again.

A key distinction between guilt and shame is that guilt is when we say, “I am sorry.  I made a mistake” and shame is when we say, “I am sorry.  I am a mistake.”  For many who believe the latter, there is a high correlation with addiction, violence, bullying, depression, aggression, suicide and eating disorders.  The first step to shifting out of shame, is being empathetic with ourselves.  And since we typically are our own worst critic, we need to start there.

The main two messages my clients mention when dealing with their shame and pain is either “I’m not good enough” or if they begin to believe they are worthy their internal critic says, “who do you think you are?”  In order change patterns of avoidance and hostility, you can begin to break free from these negative belief patterns with the help of a professional can resolve painful memories and deep rooted hurts.  Using a technique called Eye-Movment Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), is an effective and evidenced-based treatment that get results quickly.  For more information on how to get assistance in healing from the past or present, please contact True Potential Counseling for more details.

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Love and Respect in Relationships…Differences between Men and Women.

Posted on June 6, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Dating, Lifestyle, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Back in 2006 I attended a workshop entitled Love and Respect in Relationships.  Although both are important for men and women, women feel cared for when loved and men feel cared for when they are respected.  These are some interesting tips that were a nice reminder for me in my own relationship and I thought my blog followers might also find them useful and interesting.  I am especially interested in hearing your thoughts or perspective on what you read about how men and women feel respected or lived.  Do you find it accurate for you as a women or as a man?
As your partner/wife I feel loved when…
Closeness:  I feel closeness with you (face to face and heart to heart) when you:
  • hold my hand
  • hug me
  • are affectionate without sexual intentions
Openness: I feel an openness with you (you are not secretly mad) when you:
  • share your feelings
  • tell me about your day and challenges
  • talk without harshness, guardedness or grunting
Understanding:  I feel you understand me (empathize with me) when you:
  • listen to me (know when to give advice and when not to solve my problems)
  • repeat back what I sometimes say so I know your listening to me
  • express appreciation for my contribution and roles by saying, “I couldn’t do your job.”
Peacemaking:  I feel at peace with you (issues are resolved) when you:
  • admit you are wrong and appologize by saying “I am sorry” which is a turn on to a woman
  • keep the relationship up to date, resolve the unresolved, and don’t say “forget it.”
  • add humor and lightness to the conflict, pray or connect after a hurtful time
Loyalty: I feel loyalty from you (complete commitment) when you:
  • don’t look at other women
  • speak only positive things about me before family and friends, not airing of dirty laundry
  • to be faithful and committed to me, not threatening to leave or abandon
Esteem:  I feel esteemed by you (treasured above others) when you:
  • verbalize support and honor me in front of others
  • praise me for who I am and what I do
  • value my opinion, me as a person, and my heart even if it is different from yours.
As your partner/husband I feel respected when…
Conquest:  I feel you are appreciating my pursuits in my field (my desire to work and achieve) when you:
  • tell me “thanks” for going to work everyday
  • cheer my successes whether in business or in sport
  • ask me to talk about my dreams in business and sport and encourage me to live out my dreams
Hierarchy:  I feel you’re appreciating my position as overseer (my desire to protect and provide and even die for you) when you:
  • say to me “I really do look up to you for feeling responsible for me.”
  • tell me that you are deeply touched by the thoughts that “I’d die for you.”
  • praising my commitment to provide and my contributions
Authority:  I feel you’re appreciating my power on your behalf (my desire to be strong, to lead and make decisions) when you:
  • tell me I’m strong
  • praise my good decisions
  • honor my authority in front of others and differ with me in private
Insight:  I feel you’re appreciating my perspective and proposals (my desire to analyze and counsel) when you:
  • thank me for my advice and knowledge
  • let me fix things and applaud my solution orientation
  • tell me up-front your need “an ear” to listen and not a solution
Relationship:  I feel you’re valuing my partnership and pastimes (my desire for a shoulder-to-shoulder friendship) when you:
  • tell me you like me and are friendly
  • do recreational activities with me or watch me do them
  • encourage alone time for me; this energizes me to re-connect with you later
Sexuality: I feel you are appreciating my passions and pleasures (my deisre for sexual intimacy) when you:
  • initiate periodically
  • respond more often positively
  • let me acknowledge my sexual temptations without shaming me or me feeling shamed

For more information on how to cultivate your own relationship and enhance the love and respect you feel in your own relationship, you can contact me at True Potential Counseling to schedule an appointment.

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5 Tips to Getting Out of the Relationship Rutt

Posted on January 28, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Dating, Relationship | Tags: , , |

Do you feel like you and your partner have gotten into the same old pattern? Do your daily interactions lack variety and flavor? It is often said that couples who play together stay together. And sharing common interests with your partner is a great way to keep you engaged and entertained in your relationship. These 5 tips can help you add some spice and fun back into your relationship.

1. Get physically active. Whether it is going on a bike ride or going on a day trip to a nearby town or city, getting physically active is a great way to change the routine and dynamics in your relationship. Plus getting some exercise reduces your level of stress, improves your mood and alters serotonin levels.

2. Getting Playful and Creative. Maintaining your youthful spirit and childlike nature can keep things light in your relationship. Some suggestions include: having friends over for a game night, being silly and humorous with one another, or getting playful and creative in the bedroom. These activities allow you to have fun with each other and grow closer together, rather than becoming bored and feeling disconnected from the one you love.

3. Being a Life-long Learner. Take a class together and learn something new. Whether it is taking a dance class, signing up for a cooking lesson or going to an interesting seminar or workshop being mentally engaged with your partner can add vitality to the relationship. Plus it can add some variety to your general topics of conversation.

4. Be Spontaneous and Try Something New. Use your imagination and brainstorm together various activities you would each like to try. Then create a list of places you would like to go (i.e. restaurants, cities, etc.). Then randomly select an event or place each week and have some fun.

5. Have a Date Night Once A Week. Often times when there are children involved, a couples time becomes limited and become impatient with their partner. In order to curb this potential challenge and create some boundaries, it is recommended to establish a weekly date night for the couple to reconnect and add some romance to the relationship. Hiring a babysitter or asking friends and family to give you a night off will allow you to nurture your partner and rekindle the spark on a weekly basis.

For more information on how to improve your relationship visit my website at http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/

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How Generous Are You In Your Relationship?

Posted on December 9, 2011. Filed under: Lifestyle, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Women | Tags: , , , , |

After reading an article in the NY Times that suggests that generosity is one of the main factors in a happy marriage, I was inspired to write this blog.  Researchers from the University of Virginia’s Marriage Project studied the role of generosity in marriages of 2,870 men and women.  Typically in relationships there are the general tasks and responsibilities that exist such as chores and childcare; however, generosity in this study was going above and beyond what was expected and loving consciously. This is defined as: “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly.”  Their quiz consisted of questions related to how often they behaved generously with their partner (i.e. how often you affirm your partner to how often you forgive him or her for their shortcomings).  What they discovered is that couples who reported a higher level of generosity in their relationship also reported being “very happy” in their relationship.  And the benefits of generosity were significantly noticeable in couples with children.  Although sexual intimacy, commitment and communication were very important in romantic partnerships, performing simple acts of kindness or showing affection and admiration towards your partner was a significant factor in the level of satisfaction in relationships.  Despite it being difficult to be generous with your partner when your ego is hurt or you are upset, according to marriage researcher and therapist John Gottman, he has found successful couples say or do 5 positive things for each negative interaction.  So begin living in the spirit of generosity today and practice some random acts of kindness in your relationship.  By initiating the virtuous cycle of generosity, you will begin to plant the seeds of a fulfilling relationship for you and your partner.

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Managing Stress in Relationships

Posted on July 26, 2011. Filed under: Communication, Health, Lifestyle, Marriage, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , |

Often times life can be stressful especially when we are having unresolved issues with our significant other or are dealing with challenging parenting issues. There is a zone of tolerance that each of us have and when we cross the threshold of that zone we enter into a heightened level of stress become overwhelmed, and often fight with the person we love the most. In relationships our attachment to our significant other can be a source of comfort and security; however, when the safety of that relationship is on shaky ground it can add an additional layer of anxiety, preoccupation, helplessness and frustration. Some tips in helping to regulate emotions and manage stress is the following:

a) Exercise to alleviate stress.
b) Journaling your thoughts and feelings
c) Visualization of a safe and comforting place
d) Muscle progression- where you tighten and release each muscle of the body one at a time.
e) Sharing your feelings and needs with your significant other and if that is not possible social supports or a licensed professional counselor.
f) Breathing exercises
g) Yoga
h) Seeking marital counseling to get back to that loving feelings with your partner and out of the negative cycle that you both keep getting stuck in

For more details of assistance you can visit my website at http://www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

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Observing Yourself

Posted on March 8, 2011. Filed under: Expat, Health, Lifestyle, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , |

Observing yourself is a helpful tool on your journey through life. When you get stuck in a pattern, a thought, a relationship or at work and you don’t know how to get unstuck, watch yourself. If you find yourself reacting or feeling hopeless as thought things are never going to change or shift look at yourself neutrally without judgment. This can be a powerful tool to change the dynamics in your relationships, in your work environment and your internal dialogue and thought patterns. In becoming aware of your thinking, feeling, how you react and how you act, without reproach, then you will become aware of your choices, so you can change and grow in a new way.

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Envisioning your Ideal Relationship and Life

Posted on March 6, 2011. Filed under: Break-ups, Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , |

A vision is a picture from your soul and heart that guides you down the path in life and in love that you most desire. The more clear and concise we are the more attuned we are with what we want, feel and see ourselves doing in our relationships, careers and life circumstances, the more likely your dreams will manifest into reality.

If you are single, you may want to write a letter to your future mate and be as descriptive as possible as to the type of man or woman you want as your partner. If you are in partnership, write a letter about the qualities and characteristics you most admire in your mate and the qualities that you offer to the relationship. Then describe how you as a couple would move through those areas of challenge in a new way (please use the present tense as though it is already a reality today). Also shed light on the areas in which you would like to show up differently in the relationship and then describe how you envision yourself to be in the future.

Be creative and leave out any judgments towards self and your partner. Trust your vision. When the pathways seems dark, learn to be comfortable with these glimpses of light that guide you towards the vision for your relationship and your life. Sometimes these dark areas can be challenging to maneuver and the support and guidance from a professional may be necessary. If you need additional help please visit http://www.TruePotentialCounseling.com today.

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Patience with your Partner

Posted on February 24, 2011. Filed under: Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , |

Often times patience can run thin if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. The tension of everyday tasks, personal expectations and demands can be compounded when there is additional pressure or tension in your relationship with your significant other. In a relationship there are growing pains where each partner is adapting and growing accustomed to each others style, personal tempo and lifestyles. Sometimes if there is a difference in preferences and pace, as there always will be, a couple is faced with an important decision. Will I go to the extreme in my approach and prod my partner to adapt to me or will both partners move towards the middle and find a middle ground? Another important question to ask is, when is adapting ones own approach and perspective too much to compromise and when is it necessary to evolve as a person and as a couple? Often times the answer can be found in discovering ones internal inclinations and learning to accept yourself and your partner. For more information on how to explore this area of your relationship please visit http://www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

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