Women

4 Ways to Spice Up the Sex Life

Posted on January 29, 2014. Filed under: Men, Sex & Intimacy, Women | Tags: , , |

sex in marriage

sex in marriage

Do you want a steamy sex life?  Well absolutely, who doesn’t want more affection and passion with his/her partner.

Did you know that according to Sarah Jio’s statistics about sex 84% of women have sex to get their guy to do more around the house; 12% of married people sleep alone; the average person has sex 103 times per year; and 48% of women have faked an orgasm?  Those are shocking statistics!!!

Since statistics also show that a sex life is an important part of a satisfying and fulfilling relationship-both for men and women- let’s talk about the 4 spicy sex secrets that you can start using ASAP that will knock both you and your partner’s socks off.

1. Advice for Men: Foreplay: Get out of your head and focus on the present moment.  Attend to gentle touch, kissing and the passionate thrill of the moment instead of the destination.  Afterplay: Stay away and cuddle afterwards.  Connect emotionally with her afterwards.

2. Advice for Women: Foreplay: Step outside of your comfort zone, connect with physical pleasure and let the sex diva inside come out and play.  Also remember to tell your man what you need and like, because he is not a mindreader.  Afterplay:  First, don’t take it personally if he is tired afterwards.  And secondly, don’t bring up heavy or serious topics afterwards.  Keep in mind that men are hardwired to crash after an orgasm and talking about heavy topics will seriously kill the mood.

2. Be respectful of physical changes in labido and sex drive.  Sometimes after pregnancy, enduring high levels of stress, various life changes and/or alternations in your hormones, ones sex drive can dip.  By reducing stress levels, getting adequate exercise, blocking out time for self-care and quality time with your lover and taking adequate vitamins and nutrients this can help jumpstart your sex drive.

3. Spice Things Up. You can expand your current sexual borders by reading books on sex enhancement or trying a tantric sex course in your local community.

4. Manage Negative Beliefs or Judgments. If you have negative beliefs about your body image you can begin doing affirmations such as: “I am beautiful and sexy.” If you carry any negative beliefs about sex that come from your family of origin or social messages, you can begin challenging those beliefs and redefining what sex can mean for you instead.

And as a special bonus to all my True Potential VIP’s and blog followers, I am offering an absolutely free webinar “Hot, Sexy and in Love” this Wednesday, January 29th at 1pm (Pacific), 4pm (Eastern) and 9pm (GMT), 10pm (CET).  Spaces are limited, so snag one of the last spots HERE for Spicy Sex Secrets.

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How to Resolve Conflict: 10 Best Kept Secrets

Posted on June 5, 2013. Filed under: Lifestyle, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: |

How to Resolve Conflict

How to Resolve Conflict

Yikes!  Have you every been hungry, angry, lonely or tired and gotten stuck in an arguement with your beloved?  If you are like any normal couple, this has happened to you at one time or another.

In today’s True Potential TV episode we are covering How to Resolve Conflict: 10 Best Kept Secrets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK-05UM5U9o

How to Resolve Conflict

So whether you are married or in a committed relationship, knowing these simple secrets can save you a lot of time, energy and heartache.

Wouldn’t it be nice for there to be more harmony and understanding in your relationship?  TUNE IN and learn what steps to take the next time tension rises between you and the one you love.

Catch you next week!

Lots of love,

Andrea

P.S.  If you would like Additional Resources and Relationship Tips to Transform your Life and Create a Relationship you Love, make sure you head on over to True Potential Counseling to grab my 3 Part Video Series: Create a Relationship you Love absolutely free.  The series includes:

  • Avoid the 4 Common Mistakes Many Couples Make & What You Should Do Instead
  • 15 Strategies to Strengthen your Emotional Bond with your Partner
  • How to Deepen the Connection and Intimacy in your Relationship
  • Additional BONUS:  Get Unstuck! Improve Communication in 10 Minutes or Less.
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Shame: The Difference Between Men and Women

Posted on December 26, 2012. Filed under: Children and Adolescents, Healing, Lifestyle, Men, Parenting Tips, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Trauma, Women | Tags: , , |

Since men and women experience shame differently, it is important to understand how it may play out in a romantic relationship with your partner.

shame girlTypically shame presents itself in woman as having to do it all, do it perfectly, and never let others see you sweat.  For women, shame is a web of unobtainable conflicting competing expectations of who they are supposed to be.

boy ashamedAlternatively, men feel the pressure of not being perceived as weak or needing.  They are encouraged to be vulnerable, yet get ridiculed and beaten up if they fall or fail.  For men shame is a competition, a game of proving yourself, and the pressure to hold in emotions or not show sensitivity or softer emotions. And thus the automatic and familiar emotion that is expressed is anger, irritability or violence.

If you would like assistance in reducing the shame you experience in your life and improving your sense of self-worth contact True Potential Counseling to schedule an appointment today.

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What Is Your Attachment Style?

Posted on December 21, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Trauma, Women | Tags: , |

Couple cuddling on bedSecure attachment

Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.” This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.

The typical pattern in relationship is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceive Triggering Conditions, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 5) Partner Responds Positively, 5) Reduces or Eliminates Anxiety, 6) Everyday Activities.

anxious 2Anxious-preoccupied attachment

People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.” People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners’ lack of responsiveness. They also have less positive views about their partners because they do not trust in people’s good intentions. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may experience high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsive in their relationships.

The typical pattern of anxious-preoccupied attachment is: 1) Everyday Activities occur, 2) Provokes Anxiety, 3) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 4) Partner Responds Negatively, 5) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 6) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 7) Partner Responds Negatively, 8) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety (continues repeatedly).

dismissiveDismissive-avoidant attachment

People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Denies the Need for Closeness, 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.

avoidantFearful-avoidant attachment

People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.” People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don’t trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.

The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness with Partner but Doesn’t Know How 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 7) Gives Up on Getting a Positive Response, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.

For more information on how to improve your relationship and modify your attachment style with your partner, contact True Potential Counseling for more details.

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List of Defense Mechanisms

Posted on December 15, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Lifestyle, Relationship, Trauma, Women | Tags: , |

defensiveAs human beings we have a variety of defense mechanisms we use when we feel threatened, vulnerable or are connecting with emotions or situations which cause us distress.  Our defense system is otherwise known as the fight, flight, freeze response which typically gets activated when we are feeling powerlessness, rage or fear.  Defense mechanisms are maladaptive coping skill we use when our internal system in our brain becomes activated (i.e. the amygdala) and communicates to our body (i.e. central nervous system) that our survival, whether real or imagined, is being threatened.

The following is a list of common defense mechanisms used:

  • Blaming or Attacking Others – When our ego becomes threatened, we feel vulnerable and hurt, or we don’t want to admit our own short-comings or contributions to the problem, we try to cope with this pain by blaming or attacking others instead.  For example, a husband blames and yells at his wife for not cleaning the house because he believes that if she does not care about him.  Instead of sharing his vulnerability or needs clearly he attacks her and says, “You are a horrible wife and I made a mistake marrying you.”
  • Rationalization – Subconscious justifications, excuses or reasoning given to make a behavior seem logical — “A student fails the final he didn’t study for and says… “I couldn’t have passed it anyway – that teacher has it in for me.”
  • Reaction Formation – Over-compensation for fear of the opposite.  When there are two conflicting parts in self-one is strengthened while the other is repressed.  For example, someone may be extremely calm and relaxed, but may have a lot of repressed hostility and anger that they are unaware of on a conscious level.
  • Excuses – Coming up with a list of reasons why a particular action occurred or examples of why action couldn’t be taken, instead of taking responsibility for behaviors and actions.  “A professor arrives late to an appointment without completing the report by the agreed upon deadline and said, “There was so much traffic and my wife didn’t fill up the gas tank last night so I had to stop and get gas on the way.  To top it off my son was running late this morning so I had to wait for him and I didn’t finish the report last night because my colleagues were behind on data collection.”
  • Projection – Attempts to banish or “disown” unwanted and disliked thoughts, behaviors, and even “parts of self” by projecting or attributing them to someone else. May be as simple as blaming someone else – “He should have let me off on that ticket but that cop was trying to fill his monthly quota.”
  • Introjection – The opposite of projection – subconsciously “takes in” to self an imprint (or recording) of another person including all their attitudes, messages, prejudices, expressions, even the sound of their voice, etc.  This is healthy if the imprinted material is helpful advice, warnings, or other lessons from parents and respected others — unhealthy if shaming messages from parents, hatred, or aggression is turned inward on self.
  • Deflection – When you change the subject and focus on someone or something else, instead of speaking about yourself.  For example, when someone is asking about your behaviors in the relationship and you change the subject and focus on the negative behaviors of your spouse instead.
  • Displacement – This defense reduces anxiety or pressure by transferring feelings toward one person to another — commonly known as “dumping on” someone.  For example, a woman is mad her boss and kicks the dog when she gets home, or blows up and yells at her family.
  • Regression – Giving up current level of development and going back to a prior level.  For example, an older child is under stress and begins wetting the bed or sucking a thumb after a long period without that behavior.
  • Simple Denial – Unpleasant facts, emotions, or events are treated as if they are not real or don’t exist. – For example, a man recently discovered that his wife is cheating on him, but he acts as though everything is normal and they are still trustworthy and faithful.
  • Playing the Victim – To avoid dealing with the problem or feeling responsible for the situation, the victim finds it easier to make the other person the bad guy and believes that everything happens to them.  They have difficulty taking any ownership for problems (i.e. the breakdown in the relationship) and are unable to acknowledge they have choices and can take action.
  • Fantasy – Retreating into a dream world of times past.
  • Suppression – Painful, frightening, or threatening emotions, memories, impulses or drives that are consciously pushed or “stuffed” inside.
  • Identification – An ability available very early in life that children use to attach themselves to certain qualities, emotions, and attitudes of someone else especially between 8 and 13 during the modeling period.
  • Conversion – Mental conflict converted to a physical symptom.  For example, a soldier is being deployed for war; however feels conflicted because he desires serving his country, but believes it is wrong to kill and develops physical symptoms as a result.
  • Anger and Intimidation – This is when a person deep down inside feels powerless and weak on some level and uses emotional intensity, threatens, intimidation and fear to get his/her needs met.
  • Isolation – Separation of memory from emotion…can remember and talk about the trauma but feels no emotion — the Person talks about the incident as if it is someone else’s story.
  • Sublimation – Redirection of impulses into socially acceptable activities — normal and healthy, such as when the sexual impulses of adolescence is channeled into sports and competition.
  • Repression – Painful, frightening, or threatening emotions, memories, impulses or drives that are subconsciously pushed or “stuffed” deep inside.

For more information on how to break out of these defense mechanism patterns and begin redirecting that energy towards creating a fullfilling life, please contact True Potential Counseling for more details.

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The Shame Game

Posted on December 6, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Lifestyle, Men, Parenting Tips, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , |

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

This inspirational quote by Theodore Roosevelt exemplifies the essence of daring greatly and having the courage to take emotional risks, be innovative and face uncertainty bravely.  In life, many of us find ourselves working very hard to be seen, but at the same time are working very hard to stay small.  Why is that?  Are we fearful of being vulnerable? shamed? rejected? being exposed?

These are probably all true.  But another important factor, is that it is safer, easier and more comfortable to be in the crowd, commenting and critiquing, than it is to be a gladiator on the field of your own life, with its trials, tribulations and victories.

Sometimes I hear people say that vulnerability is a weakness; however, on the contrary.  When people take emotional risks, expose themselves openly and face uncertainty with honesty and valor, it is the most accurate measure of courage and strength that I have ever witnessed.  Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, innovation and change and if we want to have breakthroughs we have to be willing to accept that we will also have some breakdowns too along the way.

Unfortunately we can’t achieve greatness and evolve if we are only willing to get into the arena when we are as perfect and possible and wearing our bullet proof vest that protects us from the unknown.  Plus that is not what spectators want to see anyways.  They want to be with us as we dare greatly, step into the unknown with courage, ready to face vulnerabilities, shame, and fears that all human beings face.

Brene Brown, PhD, LCSW at the University of Houston is a researcher on vulnerability, shame and courage, and reports that shame is an epidemic in our society and affects not only our relationship with ourselves, but also our relationship with our partner and children (i.e. parenting styles).   She mentions, “If you put shame in a petri dish you need three things for it to grow exponentially:  secrecy, silence and judgment; if you douse shame with empathy it can’t survive.”  She states that empathy is the antidote for shame and if we can begin to show compassion for ourselves and then ultimately to others. we as a society will be able to find comfort in one another again.

A key distinction between guilt and shame is that guilt is when we say, “I am sorry.  I made a mistake” and shame is when we say, “I am sorry.  I am a mistake.”  For many who believe the latter, there is a high correlation with addiction, violence, bullying, depression, aggression, suicide and eating disorders.  The first step to shifting out of shame, is being empathetic with ourselves.  And since we typically are our own worst critic, we need to start there.

The main two messages my clients mention when dealing with their shame and pain is either “I’m not good enough” or if they begin to believe they are worthy their internal critic says, “who do you think you are?”  In order change patterns of avoidance and hostility, you can begin to break free from these negative belief patterns with the help of a professional can resolve painful memories and deep rooted hurts.  Using a technique called Eye-Movment Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), is an effective and evidenced-based treatment that get results quickly.  For more information on how to get assistance in healing from the past or present, please contact True Potential Counseling for more details.

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The Power of Vulnerability

Posted on November 29, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Healing, Lifestyle, Love, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , |

Often times shame and fear stand in our way from taping into our power and true nature.  The beliefs “I am not good enough” or “I am unworthy” can cripple our mind and spirit from living our life purpose and connecting to our sense of self worth.

Brene Brown PhD, LMSW, a research professor at the University of Houston, has spent the past decade researching vulnerability and shame and has discovered some pretty facinating data that can begin to allow us to free ourselves from the chains of shame and begin to move through fear with strength and compassion.

In her research she discovered the main factor that gives us purpose and meaning in our lives in connection with others.  She also mentioned that worthiness, defined as a strong sense of love and belonging, is another important factor to evaluate when studying shame and vulnerability.  In her studies, she discovered that the only variable that differentiates those who feel worthy vs. unworthy is the belief that they are worthy of love and connection.

The common themes and patterns when analyzing the data, was that these whole-hearted people who believed they were worthy of love and connection, posessed the courage to be imperfect, had the compassionate to be kind to themselves and others, had connection with their authenticity, and were willing to let go of who they should be to be who they were, which is necessary for connection. The other factor is embracing vulnerability and not viewing vulnerability as being comfortable nor excruciating, but rather necessary.  These individuals believed what makes us vulnerable, makes us beautiful. Typically they were willingness to say I love you first, invest in a relationship that may or may not work out or take action even when there were no guarantees.

Alternatively, she found those who were uncomfortable with vulnerability or felt unworthy of love and connection tended to numb hard feelings and would try to manage the discomfort by numbing through addiction, eating, alcohol, trying to control uncertainty, being perfect, blaming others to discharge pain and regret, or pretending what they do doesn’t affect other people.  Unfortunately, by using these numbing strategies to escape the inevitable vulnerability that all humans face, they consequencially also numb themselves from the joy, gratitude, happiness that life has to offer.

The hope is that if we can heal the hurts and transform the negative beliefs of shame and unworthiness, we can begin to know on a deep level that we are worthy of love and belonging.  And thus, we can stop screaming and start listening; we can be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others; we can let ourselves be deeply seen; we can love with our whole heart without any guarentees; we can begin to practice gratitude and joy; and we can begin leaning into the discomfort of hurt with courage and embracing the joy we are worthy of receiving.

For more information on how to heal old hurts and limiting beliefs, please contact True Potential Counseling for more information.  If you would like to receive a blog post on a bi-weekly basis please subscribe on True Potential Blog.

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What is Sex Addiction?

Posted on July 15, 2012. Filed under: Addiction, Lifestyle, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , , , |

Recognizing that you may have an addiction can be scary: You want to know what to do, but you’re afraid to learn any more about yourself. You want to talk to someone about your problem, but you’re afraid to trust anyone.  This blog post is a starting point to explore what sex addiction is, what are the causes and a quiz to assess your level of addiction.

What Is Sex Addiction?  Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, it negatively impacts the addict and the family members as the disorder progresses and the addictive behaviors intensify.  To learn about the 5 Tips to Changing Impulsive Behavior click on the link provided.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” For example, someone with a sex addict will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite facing financial problems, shattered relationships, potential health risks, or even arrest.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”

For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape.

What Causes Sex Addiction?

Why some people, and not others, develop an addiction to sex is not fully understood. Since antidepressants and other psychotropic medications have proven effective in treating some people with sex addiction, some suggest that  biochemical abnormality or other brain changes increase risk.

Other studies indicate that food, drug abuse and sexual interests share a common pathway within our brains’ survival and reward systems; which thus short circuit the are of the brain responsible for our higher thinking, rational thought and judgment.  For example, the brain tells the sex addict that having illicit sex is good the same way it tells others that food is good when they are hungry. As a result of these brain changes, the sex addict becomes preoccupied with sex, participates in compulsive sexual behavior despite negative consequences and fails at attempting to limit or terminate sexual behavior.  This biochemical model helps explain why competent, intelligent, goal-directed people can be so easily sidetracked by drugs and sex.

People addicted to sex get a sense of euphoria and use sexual activity to seek pleasure, avoid unpleasant feelings or respond to outside stressors. This is not unlike how an alcoholic uses alcohol. In both instances, any reward gained from the experience soon gives way to guilt, remorse and promises to change.

Research also has found that sex addicts often come from dysfunctional families and are more likely than non-sex addicts to have been abused. One study found that 82 percent of sex addicts reported being sexually abused as children. Sex addicts often describe their parents as rigid, distant and uncaring. These families, including the addicts themselves, are more likely to be substance abusers. One study found that 80 percent of recovering sex addicts report some type of addiction in their families of origin.

Sex Addiction Quiz: The Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) is designed to assist in the assessment of sexually compulsive behavior which may indicate the presence of sex addiction. Developed in cooperation with hospitals, treatment programs, private therapists, and community groups, the SAST provides a profile of responses which help to discriminate between addictive and non-addictive behavior.  We strongly urge that diagnosis and treatment be done with a trained professional. This assessment is designed to help you decide whether you should seek further help.

For more information on how you can begin your recovery process, please contact True Potential Counseling today.

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Sensitive Person Quiz

Posted on July 7, 2012. Filed under: Health, Lifestyle, Men, Women | Tags: |

Instructions: Answer each question according to the way you personally feel. Check the box if it is at least somewhat true for you; leave unchecked if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.
I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
Other people’s moods affect me.
I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days,into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.
I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells,coarse fabrics,or sirens close by.
I have a rich,complex inner life.
I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.
I am deeply moved by the arts or music.
My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.
I am conscientious.
I startle easily.
I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating).
I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.
I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.
I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows.
I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me.
Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me,disrupting my concentration or mood.
Changes in my life shake me up.
I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.
I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.
I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.
I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes.
When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.
When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy.

Copyright, Elaine N. Aron, 1996

Scoring:
If you answered more than fourteen of the questions as true of yourself, you are probably highly sensitive. But no psychological test is so accurate that an individual should base his or her life on it. We psychologists try to develop good questions, then decide on the cut off based on the average response.

If fewer questions are true of you, but extremely true, that might also justify calling you highly sensitive.

For more information on how to deal with a high level of sensitivity, please contact True Potential Counseling for a consultation.

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Angry Quiz

Posted on July 5, 2012. Filed under: Health, Lifestyle, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , |

Instructions: The items below refer to how you have behaved during the past year. Please indicate whether each question is TRUE or FALSE as a description of you during the past year.

NOTE: If you suspect that you have an anger management problem you should seek help from a health professional regardless of how you score on this screening test.

1. I don’t show my anger about everything that makes me mad, but when I do – look out.
True False

2. I still get angry when I think of the bad things people did to me in the past.
True False

3. Waiting in line, or waiting for other people, really annoys me.
True False

4. I fly off the handle easily.
True False

5. I often find myself having heated arguments with the people who are closest to me.
True False

6. I sometimes lie awake at night and think about the things that upset me during the day.
True False

7. When someone says or does something that upsets me, I don’t usually say anything at the time, but later spend a lot of time thinking up cutting replies I could and should have made.
True False

8. I find it very hard to forgive someone who has done me wrong.
True False

9. I get angry with myself when I lost control of my emotions.
True False

10. People really irritate me when they don’t behave the way they should, or when they act like they don’t have the good sense of a head of lettuce.
True False

11. If I get really upset about something, I have a tendency to feel sick later, either with a weak spell, headache, upset stomach, or diarrhea.
True False

12. People I’ve trusted have often let me down, leaving me feeling angry or betrayed.
True False

13. When things don’t go my way, I get depressed.
True False

14. I am apt to take frustration so badly that I cannot put it out of my mind.
True False

15. I’ve been so angry at times I couldn’t remember things I said or did.
True False

16. After arguing with someone, I hate myself.
True False

17. I’ve had trouble on the job because of my temper.
True False

18. When riled up, I often blurt out things I later regret saying.
True False

19. Some people are afraid of my bad temper.
True False

20. When I get angry, frustrated or hurt, I comfort myself by eating or using alcohol or other drugs.
True False

21. When someone hurts or frustrates me, I want to get even.
True False

22. I’ve gotten so angry at times that I’ve become physically violent, hitting other people or breaking things.
True False

23. At times, I’ve felt angry enough to kill.
True False

24. Sometimes I feel so hurt and alone I feel like committing suicide.
True False

25. I’m a really angry person, and I know I need help learning to control my temper and angry feelings because it has already caused me a lot of problems.
True False

From: Of Course You’re Angry: A Guide to Dealing with the Emotions of Substance Abuse by Gayle Rosellini and Mark Worden, Copyright 1985, 1997 by Hazelden Foundation. Reprinted by permission of Hazelden Foundation, Center City, MN.

Score Interpretation
10 or more, or any of the last 4 questions True Anger Management Problem: Help Required
5 – 9 Normal Anger Management Skills: Clinical Help May be Useful
0 – 4 Better than Normal Anger Management Skills

Scores on this test are not meant as a diagnosis tool! You should not take this score to represent a mental disorder diagnosis or any type of behavioral healthcare treatment recommendation. Always consult with a trained mental health professional if you are experiencing feelings, thoughts or difficulties that cause you or people you love to be concerned. Seek immediate treatment from a licensed mental health professional or physician within your community if you are having thoughts about killing yourself or someone else!

For more information on resolving anger issues, please contact True Potential Counseling to schedule an appointment.

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