Sex & Intimacy

4 Ways to Spice Up the Sex Life

Posted on January 29, 2014. Filed under: Men, Sex & Intimacy, Women | Tags: , , |

sex in marriage

sex in marriage

Do you want a steamy sex life?  Well absolutely, who doesn’t want more affection and passion with his/her partner.

Did you know that according to Sarah Jio’s statistics about sex 84% of women have sex to get their guy to do more around the house; 12% of married people sleep alone; the average person has sex 103 times per year; and 48% of women have faked an orgasm?  Those are shocking statistics!!!

Since statistics also show that a sex life is an important part of a satisfying and fulfilling relationship-both for men and women- let’s talk about the 4 spicy sex secrets that you can start using ASAP that will knock both you and your partner’s socks off.

1. Advice for Men: Foreplay: Get out of your head and focus on the present moment.  Attend to gentle touch, kissing and the passionate thrill of the moment instead of the destination.  Afterplay: Stay away and cuddle afterwards.  Connect emotionally with her afterwards.

2. Advice for Women: Foreplay: Step outside of your comfort zone, connect with physical pleasure and let the sex diva inside come out and play.  Also remember to tell your man what you need and like, because he is not a mindreader.  Afterplay:  First, don’t take it personally if he is tired afterwards.  And secondly, don’t bring up heavy or serious topics afterwards.  Keep in mind that men are hardwired to crash after an orgasm and talking about heavy topics will seriously kill the mood.

2. Be respectful of physical changes in labido and sex drive.  Sometimes after pregnancy, enduring high levels of stress, various life changes and/or alternations in your hormones, ones sex drive can dip.  By reducing stress levels, getting adequate exercise, blocking out time for self-care and quality time with your lover and taking adequate vitamins and nutrients this can help jumpstart your sex drive.

3. Spice Things Up. You can expand your current sexual borders by reading books on sex enhancement or trying a tantric sex course in your local community.

4. Manage Negative Beliefs or Judgments. If you have negative beliefs about your body image you can begin doing affirmations such as: “I am beautiful and sexy.” If you carry any negative beliefs about sex that come from your family of origin or social messages, you can begin challenging those beliefs and redefining what sex can mean for you instead.

And as a special bonus to all my True Potential VIP’s and blog followers, I am offering an absolutely free webinar “Hot, Sexy and in Love” this Wednesday, January 29th at 1pm (Pacific), 4pm (Eastern) and 9pm (GMT), 10pm (CET).  Spaces are limited, so snag one of the last spots HERE for Spicy Sex Secrets.

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Sexually Frustrated? 3 Step Solution

Posted on April 16, 2013. Filed under: Sex & Intimacy | Tags: , |

Sexually Frustrated 3 Step Solution

Sexually Frustrated 3 Step Solution

This weekend my fiancée and I visited the beautiful city of Prague. We arrived late at night and it started to rain. We were in an unfamiliar territory and were feeling tired and frustrated. We really wanted to arrive to our destination, but we felt lost because all the signs were in a language far different from any of the languages we spoke.

Why is this relevant to today’s episode on True Potential TV? Well sometimes the act of sex and intimacy feels just as vulnerable or awkward as arriving to an unfamiliar city.

We are feeling a little nervous or overwhelmed and unsure of where we are going or what to do.  There is a lot of information coming at us all at once, our mind and body are very active, and there may be internal or external pressure to arrive to the desired destination.

ORGASM!!! CLOSENESS!!! REASSURANCE!!!  We want to relax and finally feel a release of the built up tension inside.

Are you or your partner complaining about being SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED?  If so, you are in for a treat.

You will definitely want to WATCH today’s episode and begin applying the 3 simple solutions to alleviating sexual frustration, so you can start talking about vulnerabilities openly with your partner and ease back into an enriching sex life.

Enjoy the ride!

With love and gratitude xxoo,

Andrea

P.S.  If you would like Additional Resources and Relationship Tips to Transform your Life and Create a Relationship you Love, make sure you head on over to True Potential Counseling to grab my 3 Part Video Series: Create a Relationship you Love absolutely free.  The series includes:

  • Avoid the 4 Common Mistakes Many Couples Make & What You Should Do Instead
  • 15 Strategies to Strengthen your Emotional Bond with your Partner
  • How to Deepen the Connection and Intimacy in your Relationship
  • Additional BONUS:  Get Unstuck! Improve Communication in 10 Minutes or Less.
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Shame: The Difference Between Men and Women

Posted on December 26, 2012. Filed under: Children and Adolescents, Healing, Lifestyle, Men, Parenting Tips, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Trauma, Women | Tags: , , |

Since men and women experience shame differently, it is important to understand how it may play out in a romantic relationship with your partner.

shame girlTypically shame presents itself in woman as having to do it all, do it perfectly, and never let others see you sweat.  For women, shame is a web of unobtainable conflicting competing expectations of who they are supposed to be.

boy ashamedAlternatively, men feel the pressure of not being perceived as weak or needing.  They are encouraged to be vulnerable, yet get ridiculed and beaten up if they fall or fail.  For men shame is a competition, a game of proving yourself, and the pressure to hold in emotions or not show sensitivity or softer emotions. And thus the automatic and familiar emotion that is expressed is anger, irritability or violence.

If you would like assistance in reducing the shame you experience in your life and improving your sense of self-worth contact True Potential Counseling to schedule an appointment today.

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What Is Your Attachment Style?

Posted on December 21, 2012. Filed under: Communication, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Trauma, Women | Tags: , |

Couple cuddling on bedSecure attachment

Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.” This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.

The typical pattern in relationship is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceive Triggering Conditions, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 5) Partner Responds Positively, 5) Reduces or Eliminates Anxiety, 6) Everyday Activities.

anxious 2Anxious-preoccupied attachment

People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.” People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners’ lack of responsiveness. They also have less positive views about their partners because they do not trust in people’s good intentions. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may experience high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsive in their relationships.

The typical pattern of anxious-preoccupied attachment is: 1) Everyday Activities occur, 2) Provokes Anxiety, 3) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 4) Partner Responds Negatively, 5) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 6) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 7) Partner Responds Negatively, 8) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety (continues repeatedly).

dismissiveDismissive-avoidant attachment

People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Denies the Need for Closeness, 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.

avoidantFearful-avoidant attachment

People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.” People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don’t trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.

The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness with Partner but Doesn’t Know How 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 7) Gives Up on Getting a Positive Response, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.

For more information on how to improve your relationship and modify your attachment style with your partner, contact True Potential Counseling for more details.

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How Generous Are You In Your Relationship?

Posted on December 9, 2011. Filed under: Lifestyle, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Women | Tags: , , , , |

After reading an article in the NY Times that suggests that generosity is one of the main factors in a happy marriage, I was inspired to write this blog.  Researchers from the University of Virginia’s Marriage Project studied the role of generosity in marriages of 2,870 men and women.  Typically in relationships there are the general tasks and responsibilities that exist such as chores and childcare; however, generosity in this study was going above and beyond what was expected and loving consciously. This is defined as: “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly.”  Their quiz consisted of questions related to how often they behaved generously with their partner (i.e. how often you affirm your partner to how often you forgive him or her for their shortcomings).  What they discovered is that couples who reported a higher level of generosity in their relationship also reported being “very happy” in their relationship.  And the benefits of generosity were significantly noticeable in couples with children.  Although sexual intimacy, commitment and communication were very important in romantic partnerships, performing simple acts of kindness or showing affection and admiration towards your partner was a significant factor in the level of satisfaction in relationships.  Despite it being difficult to be generous with your partner when your ego is hurt or you are upset, according to marriage researcher and therapist John Gottman, he has found successful couples say or do 5 positive things for each negative interaction.  So begin living in the spirit of generosity today and practice some random acts of kindness in your relationship.  By initiating the virtuous cycle of generosity, you will begin to plant the seeds of a fulfilling relationship for you and your partner.

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Releasing Your Expectations

Posted on October 21, 2009. Filed under: Dating, Health, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

When we expect a situation or circumstance to happen in a certain way, it prevents us from enjoying the surprises that could possibly be a joyous gift.  Moreover, when we set expectations for ourselves we often may feel that we have fallen short of our goals if we don’t accomplish the objective according to the plan.  Likewise if we have expectations of how others “should” or “shouldn’t” behave we could be greatly disappointed and diminished relationships as a result of us getting into other people’s business unnecessarily.  Consider this, that if we accept reality as it is then we are aligning ourselves to the universal flow and fate.  Now this does not mean to not have future personal goals or be apathetic to life, but rather that you allow for flexibility and a lose structure on your journey through life.  By remaining open to the unforeseeable outcomes you will more readily embrace the positive elements of your situation.  In doing so you, initiate a willingness and ability to compromise and to dance through the unanticipated steps with grace and ease.

Although these expectations can be a source of stability and vision, they can also limit our scope and deplete us from pleasure of the experience.  Because of our emotional attachments to outcomes, we create a constriction in our muscles and an internal angst that prohibits us from accessing the infinite possibilities available to us.  By letting go of expectations, we can create a more expansive framework that allows for options to unfold naturally.  One of the pitfalls to expectations is that whenever we fights against reality we will lose 100% of the time; however, when we choose to let go of our expectations, we can free ourselves up and open our hearts and minds to a variety of possible outcomes.

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