How Generous Are You In Your Relationship?

Posted on December 9, 2011. Filed under: Lifestyle, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Sex & Intimacy, Women | Tags: , , , , |

After reading an article in the NY Times that suggests that generosity is one of the main factors in a happy marriage, I was inspired to write this blog.  Researchers from the University of Virginia’s Marriage Project studied the role of generosity in marriages of 2,870 men and women.  Typically in relationships there are the general tasks and responsibilities that exist such as chores and childcare; however, generosity in this study was going above and beyond what was expected and loving consciously. This is defined as: “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly.”  Their quiz consisted of questions related to how often they behaved generously with their partner (i.e. how often you affirm your partner to how often you forgive him or her for their shortcomings).  What they discovered is that couples who reported a higher level of generosity in their relationship also reported being “very happy” in their relationship.  And the benefits of generosity were significantly noticeable in couples with children.  Although sexual intimacy, commitment and communication were very important in romantic partnerships, performing simple acts of kindness or showing affection and admiration towards your partner was a significant factor in the level of satisfaction in relationships.  Despite it being difficult to be generous with your partner when your ego is hurt or you are upset, according to marriage researcher and therapist John Gottman, he has found successful couples say or do 5 positive things for each negative interaction.  So begin living in the spirit of generosity today and practice some random acts of kindness in your relationship.  By initiating the virtuous cycle of generosity, you will begin to plant the seeds of a fulfilling relationship for you and your partner.

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Love is Patient Love is Kind

Posted on November 8, 2011. Filed under: Communication, Lifestyle, Marriage, Relationship | Tags: , , , |

Faith, Hope, and Love…but the greatest of these is Love.  Throughout history in all countries far and wide civilization has spoken about, has sung songs about and have either fantasized or experienced love.  One of the most spiritually profound and concise messages about love is the following.  “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This message is powerful because it is a pure and authentic view of love that has a felt-sense of warmth and beauty.  Often times if a couple is arguing with each other, dealing with insurmountable problems or are dealing with a personal struggle, it is likely that either one or both parties have lost touch with love and have gone down the ally way of fear and darkness.  When this happens it is important for the couple to reconnect with the powerful light of love to guide them home back to a place of safety, comfort, and hope.  Sometimes this ally way is so dark and is filled with so many obstacles, that a couple needs the help of a Marriage Counselor to brighten up the path ahead.  If you are interested in reconnecting with your partner and getting back into the arms of the one you love, feel free to contact me at

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )


Posted on October 14, 2011. Filed under: Addiction, Communication, Lifestyle, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , |

Making a promise is easy; however, the endeavor to consistently follow through on those promises can be daunting at times.  Periodically we find it easier to agree to undertaking an impossible task as opposed to facing the discomfort of saying no to someone.  Although being honest about our limitations can be unpleasant for us and disappointing to others on occasions, being a person of integrity and sincerity is a valuable asset. Being trustworthy and reliable is our most powerful possession because it not only develops our character but also cultivates a sense of safety and security in our personal and professional relationships.

If you do catch yourself in a lie, reflect on your motivation for hiding the truth.  And if you fall into the trap of not keeping your word, simply acknowledge it and make amends immediately.   By following through on your commitments and agreements you prove you are worthy of trust and demonstrate to others your value for integrity and honesty.  If you would like additional assistance or desire counseling services, feel free to visit my website at

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Managing Stress in Relationships

Posted on July 26, 2011. Filed under: Communication, Health, Lifestyle, Marriage, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , |

Often times life can be stressful especially when we are having unresolved issues with our significant other or are dealing with challenging parenting issues. There is a zone of tolerance that each of us have and when we cross the threshold of that zone we enter into a heightened level of stress become overwhelmed, and often fight with the person we love the most. In relationships our attachment to our significant other can be a source of comfort and security; however, when the safety of that relationship is on shaky ground it can add an additional layer of anxiety, preoccupation, helplessness and frustration. Some tips in helping to regulate emotions and manage stress is the following:

a) Exercise to alleviate stress.
b) Journaling your thoughts and feelings
c) Visualization of a safe and comforting place
d) Muscle progression- where you tighten and release each muscle of the body one at a time.
e) Sharing your feelings and needs with your significant other and if that is not possible social supports or a licensed professional counselor.
f) Breathing exercises
g) Yoga
h) Seeking marital counseling to get back to that loving feelings with your partner and out of the negative cycle that you both keep getting stuck in

For more details of assistance you can visit my website at

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Let’s Move In Together!?

Posted on March 15, 2011. Filed under: Communication, Dating, Marriage, Men, Women | Tags: , , , |

Moving in with your significant other can either be a rude awakening or a harmonious experience.  Often times when the couple moves in together the relationship is put to the test and both people are able to see how each other operates on a daily basis.  Potential similarities or differences may become apparent in the following areas: cleanliness and household tasks, daily schedules, lifestyle preferences, substance use, diet, exercise, energy level, temperament, communication (or lack thereof) about issues that impact both partners, desired frequency of sex, expenses, cultural or value differences to name a few.  During the dating phase both people may either be mesmerized by the allure of each other company or just in love with the idea of love that they forget to question their compatibility as a couple.  Before a couple decides to venture into the rental or real estate market together, it is advisable t to sit down over a cup of coffee together and cover these general topic questions.

  • What do you consider clean or dirty?  How often do you clean?  Rate your own level of cleanliness and the level of cleanliness of your partner now.  Compare your answers.  Then each write a list of potential household tasks.  Brainstorm how you will delegate responsibilities.
  • How many hours do you work? What does your sleep look like? Are you a morning person or a night person?  What time do you wake up during the week?  What time do you go to bed?  What time do you wake up and go to bed on the weekends?
  • How do you typically like to spend your time during the week?  During the weekends?
  • Do prefer to live in a city, the country or suburbs?  Are you willing to relocate if necessary?
  • What type of food do you typically eat? Do you eat at home? How often?  Do you eat out? How often? Do you drink alcohol or do drugs? How often? How much? Do you like to entertain/go out or do you prefer to stay in and be a homebody?
  • Rate the energy level of yourself and your partner.  Compare each others scores and discuss.
  • Rate each others temperament from easygoing to reactive.  Compare each others scores and discuss.  Give examples if necessary.
  • How much money do you currently spend a month?  Are you a saver or spender?  Discuss your current debts, assets, monthly budget, monthly expenses and monthly income.  Write a list of expenses and discuss how you as a couple will organize your finances. Discuss how often you would like to have a date night and vacations.  Decide if money will be communal or separate; if expenses will be split evenly or in proportion to each person’s income.
  • Have each partner rate their ideal frequency of sex or cuddle time.  Discuss personal sexual fantasies, emotional intimacy needs, etc.
  • Each partner will eflect on their family value blueprint by identifying 5 adjectives or phrases to describe the qualities that were valued in their family of origin. Secondly, each partner will discuss their perspective on the role of the opposite gender. For example:  A wife is responsible for or provides X to the family…(list 3) A husband is responsible for or provides X to the family…(list 3)).

By taking the time to do this with your partner, it will provide  each of you with a clearer understanding of your partner and allowing you to enter into this decision with eyes wide open.  Sometimes these topics may be more complex or require the assistance of a Marriage Counselor to help you get unstuck and get resolution in the relationship.  For more information visit my website at

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Envisioning your Ideal Relationship and Life

Posted on March 6, 2011. Filed under: Break-ups, Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , |

A vision is a picture from your soul and heart that guides you down the path in life and in love that you most desire. The more clear and concise we are the more attuned we are with what we want, feel and see ourselves doing in our relationships, careers and life circumstances, the more likely your dreams will manifest into reality.

If you are single, you may want to write a letter to your future mate and be as descriptive as possible as to the type of man or woman you want as your partner. If you are in partnership, write a letter about the qualities and characteristics you most admire in your mate and the qualities that you offer to the relationship. Then describe how you as a couple would move through those areas of challenge in a new way (please use the present tense as though it is already a reality today). Also shed light on the areas in which you would like to show up differently in the relationship and then describe how you envision yourself to be in the future.

Be creative and leave out any judgments towards self and your partner. Trust your vision. When the pathways seems dark, learn to be comfortable with these glimpses of light that guide you towards the vision for your relationship and your life. Sometimes these dark areas can be challenging to maneuver and the support and guidance from a professional may be necessary. If you need additional help please visit today.

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Patience with your Partner

Posted on February 24, 2011. Filed under: Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , |

Often times patience can run thin if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. The tension of everyday tasks, personal expectations and demands can be compounded when there is additional pressure or tension in your relationship with your significant other. In a relationship there are growing pains where each partner is adapting and growing accustomed to each others style, personal tempo and lifestyles. Sometimes if there is a difference in preferences and pace, as there always will be, a couple is faced with an important decision. Will I go to the extreme in my approach and prod my partner to adapt to me or will both partners move towards the middle and find a middle ground? Another important question to ask is, when is adapting ones own approach and perspective too much to compromise and when is it necessary to evolve as a person and as a couple? Often times the answer can be found in discovering ones internal inclinations and learning to accept yourself and your partner. For more information on how to explore this area of your relationship please visit

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Transforming Relationships

Posted on February 8, 2011. Filed under: Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , |

Many couples get stuck in the same communication patterns in their relationship and are either not aware or caught up in their own frustrations and pain that they are not open to hearing, understanding, or experiencing their partner in a new way. Often times we protect the vulnerable places in our heart and only show our frustrated, detached or defensive layer of ourselves. By going this route it may feel safer; however, in doing so we get further apart from our true essence, experience greater distance from our authentic feelings and needs and feel disconnected from that deeper connection with our partner that we desire. By facing this fear and having the courage to delve into these deeper places within our soul we discover ourselves and can be open to receiving the love, support and understanding from another human being.

For more information on how to begin this process you can visit

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 2 so far )

Reconnecting with your Partner

Posted on January 25, 2011. Filed under: Dating, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women |

Sometime we get caught in the trap of self-defense, self-blame or judgement of our partner. Some helpful tips when either partner is caught in the trap of self protection or the blame game are:

1. Commit In Writing: A suggestion is for both partners to commit in writing to ending criticism and blame and recommitting each time that agreement is broken. In writing this contract is is recommended to avoid modifiers such as: better, more, greater, etc.
2. Blame Jar: create a blame jar and everytime either partner blames the other they are required to pay a fine and put money in the blame jar.
3. Humor and Encouragement: incorporate a sense of humor and remember to applaud and appreciate your partner through words of affirmation and encouragement
4. Growth: keep in mind that each partner may grow at a different rate in their awareness and that the couple does not required to evolve at the same rate. Remember that the relationship is big enough for you to be who you are and grow as an individual and still be connected to your parnter.
5. Flexibility: it is important for both people in the relationship to be flexible to different points of view and an openness to creative and personal growth.
6. Get Real Conversations: engaging in genuine, honest and healing conversations where you own and acknowledge your own contribution to the problem rather than avoiding them. You can do so by shifting from a blaming or self-blaming stance to an “I wonder how I can shift to create the shift I want in my relationship…”

For more information on how to create this shift in your relationship with your partner, please visit:

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

Conscious Loving

Posted on January 11, 2011. Filed under: Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , |

What blocks us from feeling and experiencing the full amount of our success in love, in our finances and in our career? According to Gay Hendricks, author and relationship specialist, we have an upper limit problem based on old programming. The upper limit problem is rooted in 4 main fears.

1) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, we will outshine others.
2) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, we are being disloyal to our roots.
3) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, we will be a burden to the world.
4) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, our fundamental flaws will be exposed to the world.

Often times we can hide from our own awareness of our own fears, discomfort and insecurities; however, when we are in a relationship these issues gets pulled up to the surface. Instead of shining our light on these aspects of ourselves, we can fall into the trap of blaming our partner, defending ourselves or a variety of other defense mechanisms. However, if we lean into the discomfort and explore these aspects of ourselves with curiosity, wonder and introspection we can deepen our awarenss of ourselves and become open to change.

For more information on how you and your partner can create change in your relationship, please visit Photos provided by

Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )

« Previous Entries

Liked it here?
Why not try sites on the blogroll...